and i'm wondering if i'm going to be up to the task of using the snowblower this evening if needs be. the forecast said up to two feet would fall in the mountains and 1-3 inches in the vally. 5 inches on the ground now... i'm just back from the hospital after having my remcade infusion and will be leaving again shortly to take the kids to the beauty parlor. Rocky and Sophie would prefer being outside and playin in this. instead, they will waiting in an extra large kennel for their bath and groomi.
i joined kcl so that i can keep up with old friends and leave comments. ...gonna write over there just for fun. hmmmm i'm hungry. she's been eating her chinese left-overs and tonight will be the last of it. i'm undecided what to line up for tonight. cream of chicken soup w/saltines comes to mind. or maybe i should pick up some hamburg and make goulash. gonna think about this...
my wife leaves for Chicago Thursday morning and is being accompanied by her piano teacher as well as our nephew that's flying in from Toronto. she going for the annual ASTRO conference. Chicago doesn't interest me. i went with her to D.C. and New Orleans (pre-Katrina) but passed on this one. if they have it in Hawaiia, Palm Springs, or any other WARMER place, she won't/doesn't have to ask me twice about going. dam...the plow just went by
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
It's a quiet day...
and for that i'm grateful. The contractors aren't here today. Not that it matters really from this point on. Tomorrow, they start taping and putting on the mud. i've endured two weeks of noisy pounding and sawing. The next couples of weeks, it will be considerably quieter.
...had the alarm set for 3:30 a.m. because i wanted to get up and watch the comets. it was a struggle but by 4:30 a.m. i was sitting on the deck drinking a hot cup of coffee, smoking a cig. sitting as close as i could to the patio heater! After a few quickies went by, i decided the morning paper would be more interesting. About three weeks ago while sitting out on the deck about five o'clock in the morning(my usual time to be there) i saw a super bright light with a long blue streak tail(?) behind. it looked the same as the flame of a gas stove. funny thing is, i never told anyone what i saw until today. it's undoubtedly the best thing i've ever seen when looking at the heavens in the night.
had another "first" this summer. i've always wanted to see the wild horses and burros here in the west. we have a few herds of wild horses scattered around the state. little did i know.... that about an hour and a half ride west from here, there's a herd. took the ranger on a 110 mile trail ride in the desert. saw two mares but as soon as i hit the brakes to grab the camera they were hightailing it across the desert. what a sight!!! next summer, i'm going to go find the wild burros. well, gotta go. i'm making beefstew. my weight is down to 166 (in my birthday suit) and my meal yesterday was 9 oreo cookies. those nabisco jerks changed the recipe for the chocolate oreo's. now they're more crunchy.
later... stu
...had the alarm set for 3:30 a.m. because i wanted to get up and watch the comets. it was a struggle but by 4:30 a.m. i was sitting on the deck drinking a hot cup of coffee, smoking a cig. sitting as close as i could to the patio heater! After a few quickies went by, i decided the morning paper would be more interesting. About three weeks ago while sitting out on the deck about five o'clock in the morning(my usual time to be there) i saw a super bright light with a long blue streak tail(?) behind. it looked the same as the flame of a gas stove. funny thing is, i never told anyone what i saw until today. it's undoubtedly the best thing i've ever seen when looking at the heavens in the night.
had another "first" this summer. i've always wanted to see the wild horses and burros here in the west. we have a few herds of wild horses scattered around the state. little did i know.... that about an hour and a half ride west from here, there's a herd. took the ranger on a 110 mile trail ride in the desert. saw two mares but as soon as i hit the brakes to grab the camera they were hightailing it across the desert. what a sight!!! next summer, i'm going to go find the wild burros. well, gotta go. i'm making beefstew. my weight is down to 166 (in my birthday suit) and my meal yesterday was 9 oreo cookies. those nabisco jerks changed the recipe for the chocolate oreo's. now they're more crunchy.
later... stu
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
a repost..
with some thoughts about it to follow.
when i first watched this video, Lindell Cooley reminded me of the Ill. governor that was booted out of office. Rod Blagovich and L. Cooley look a lot alike to me. although it appeared that i was making light of the video, in fact i was really getting into the music. purchased a couple of albums from itunes so that i could burn off some cds.
When spring rolled around finally, i went to Moab for the side by side rally. pulled the ranger/trailer with the rv.....and played those albums over and over. so now, i will get out of here. coming back later to write some more about this.
when i first watched this video, Lindell Cooley reminded me of the Ill. governor that was booted out of office. Rod Blagovich and L. Cooley look a lot alike to me. although it appeared that i was making light of the video, in fact i was really getting into the music. purchased a couple of albums from itunes so that i could burn off some cds.
When spring rolled around finally, i went to Moab for the side by side rally. pulled the ranger/trailer with the rv.....and played those albums over and over. so now, i will get out of here. coming back later to write some more about this.
Monday, October 19, 2009
noise
It’s a noisy house today. Two men (man and a boy is more like it) that can barely speak/understand English are screwing…………………drywall to the ceilings in the basement. We decided to finish the basement. It will be great because I will once again have my own studio/office. ….someplace that I CAN smoke. Had an exhaust fan installed. The Mrs. is pissed about it and has had a couple of tantrums. In my “stupor”….if you will, this one acted indifferent. Which seemed to add fuel to her rage. Took a few tokes awhile ago and am currently writing under the influence.
She called me from work this morning and told me that I must get my flu shot and oink shot this week! It seems that she was supposed to have a patient tomorrow that also has the swine flu. Went to the clinic and it was over quickly. Since I’m immune suppression, one little germ could do me in nicely. Don’t think it would be a bad way to go really.
….can’t wait to move downstairs though. It will be my sanctuary for writing with fewer interruptions. Far enough away from her office on the main level that I will be able to turn up the volume on the stereo occasionally. Think I will go take a couple more tokes.
3 P.M.
For those that don’t know, this old man spent a few years smuggling Bibles into China. Don’t/won’t ever return to any church. Christians can be quite ruthless. If you don’t believe me, you need to visit a Christian chat room on AOL.
Then somebody quoted scripture about God never leaving us or forsaking us.
So…then I said, “so….once saved always saved?” Then the mortars began firing… On AOL, I’m wanderinburro@aol.com
wanderin`ass might be closer to the truth.
She called me from work this morning and told me that I must get my flu shot and oink shot this week! It seems that she was supposed to have a patient tomorrow that also has the swine flu. Went to the clinic and it was over quickly. Since I’m immune suppression, one little germ could do me in nicely. Don’t think it would be a bad way to go really.
….can’t wait to move downstairs though. It will be my sanctuary for writing with fewer interruptions. Far enough away from her office on the main level that I will be able to turn up the volume on the stereo occasionally. Think I will go take a couple more tokes.
3 P.M.
For those that don’t know, this old man spent a few years smuggling Bibles into China. Don’t/won’t ever return to any church. Christians can be quite ruthless. If you don’t believe me, you need to visit a Christian chat room on AOL.
Then somebody quoted scripture about God never leaving us or forsaking us.
So…then I said, “so….once saved always saved?” Then the mortars began firing… On AOL, I’m wanderinburro@aol.com
wanderin`ass might be closer to the truth.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
write from the heart...
once agin...
Oct. 18 (4 P.M.)
Long, long, long ago! That’s how long it’s been since this one has written in his journals. Once again, I find myself literally driven to write. It’s been a wild ride though. Guess it was a bit premature to think that I’d actually passed thru that period of depression last winter.
I’ve been hiding out….from EVERYONE that means anything to me. Family and friends. Family members are complaining because they feel as though “ they have been divorced.” My sister relayed this to me recently. What can I say? I don’t feel like talking to anyone! I used to be a great listener…but it’s impossible to only be a listener when it comes to family. They ask questions that I don’t like answering because it just widens and deepens the chasm between us.
So….i’m ready to get off this Wild-Ass Roller Coaster ride of mixed emotions. This morning, it was more like the Trail of Tears. Still is… I wish death was closer. …keep pushing those thoughts away, Bud!
From browsing in some of the journals here and elsewhere, one can clearly see some wonderful things happening.
( 7 P.M)
….a lot of strange thoughts occurred to me today. okay kidz, hang on. On JS in my journal “Write from the heart” I didn’t hold back. Not in the least! I have been holding back somewhat here. That’s coming to an end because the only way I can truly make this place “home” is to write freely.
….am realizing that I’m jumping all over the place in this post and for that I DON’T apologize! My mind is like a packed clothes dryer spinning…..spinning…spinning. Every once in awhile something would stick on the wall of my mind and I’d dwell on it. Today it was a lot of guilt trips. Yesterday, I spent a lot of time thinking about “strongholds” and salvation. This is going to sound strange but I think this journal/blog/whatever(!) is where I’m supposed to be. There won’t be any locked doors this time.
My left hand and wrist is now useless. Can’t hold a full glass of water in it nor can I turn a doorknob/lever. If/when the disease effects my right hand, I will be an invalid. ….can’t/couldn’t/won’t live like that. You can just call me the right-hand man around. Mowed one handed all summer and drove one handed. During our August vacation, I had a critical situation. Pain was unbearable and we were on the 3rd day of our 10 day journey in the Ex which she has never driven and is twice the size of her crossover SUV. She saved the day and took charge. Wrote a prescription for anti-inflammatory meds, pain killers, and Prednizone. Luckily, we were still in Utah and she had her I.D. with her. Although I can’t use the hand, during the course of the day…it gets used out of necessity. I can’t button my pants without my left hand. My reward for that is more pain! It’s a whole new way of life that I’m struggling to get used too and can’t which causes more anger and frustration.
So…..once again, I’m going to jump topics. ….found a new source for some weed and have gotten stoned to the bone nearly every day since early summer. Fact is…..gonna go smoke some now.
9 P.M.
it does wonders in relieving the pain of rhuematoid arthritis and ostreo-whatever it was called. am just going to post this up.
Oct. 18 (4 P.M.)
Long, long, long ago! That’s how long it’s been since this one has written in his journals. Once again, I find myself literally driven to write. It’s been a wild ride though. Guess it was a bit premature to think that I’d actually passed thru that period of depression last winter.
I’ve been hiding out….from EVERYONE that means anything to me. Family and friends. Family members are complaining because they feel as though “ they have been divorced.” My sister relayed this to me recently. What can I say? I don’t feel like talking to anyone! I used to be a great listener…but it’s impossible to only be a listener when it comes to family. They ask questions that I don’t like answering because it just widens and deepens the chasm between us.
So….i’m ready to get off this Wild-Ass Roller Coaster ride of mixed emotions. This morning, it was more like the Trail of Tears. Still is… I wish death was closer. …keep pushing those thoughts away, Bud!
From browsing in some of the journals here and elsewhere, one can clearly see some wonderful things happening.
( 7 P.M)
….a lot of strange thoughts occurred to me today.
….am realizing that I’m jumping all over the place in this post and for that I DON’T apologize! My mind is like a packed clothes dryer spinning…..spinning…spinning. Every once in awhile something would stick on the wall of my mind and I’d dwell on it. Today it was a lot of guilt trips. Yesterday, I spent a lot of time thinking about “strongholds” and salvation. This is going to sound strange but I think this journal/blog/whatever(!) is where I’m supposed to be. There won’t be any locked doors this time.
My left hand and wrist is now useless. Can’t hold a full glass of water in it nor can I turn a doorknob/lever. If/when the disease effects my right hand, I will be an invalid. ….can’t/couldn’t/won’t live like that. You can just call me the right-hand man around. Mowed one handed all summer and drove one handed. During our August vacation, I had a critical situation. Pain was unbearable and we were on the 3rd day of our 10 day journey in the Ex which she has never driven and is twice the size of her crossover SUV. She saved the day and took charge. Wrote a prescription for anti-inflammatory meds, pain killers, and Prednizone. Luckily, we were still in Utah and she had her I.D. with her. Although I can’t use the hand, during the course of the day…it gets used out of necessity. I can’t button my pants without my left hand. My reward for that is more pain! It’s a whole new way of life that I’m struggling to get used too and can’t which causes more anger and frustration.
So…..once again, I’m going to jump topics. ….found a new source for some weed and have gotten stoned to the bone nearly every day since early summer. Fact is…..gonna go smoke some now.
9 P.M.
it does wonders in relieving the pain of rhuematoid arthritis and ostreo-whatever it was called. am just going to post this up.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Finally!
Would you believe that i had to reformatt my PC in order to regain control over it? It seems that the Norton & McFee anti-virus software was the root of ALL of our problems. Our ISP provider referred me to HP support. The techs at both could not figure out the problem. Finally, I called a "mobile" technician to come out and figure out the problem. $90/per hour with the first hour free for new customers. Oh yeah....! "Anthony nailed it down after about two hours. An automatic update from Norton hung up the whole system. It cost nearly $500 to get 3 computers in wi-fi sync and we replaced Nortons with something else. Plus, the tech "fixed" my wife's laptop. I'm don't touch her University laptop because it contains her research. But she NEVER read the instructions and in the last few years, it's never been able to connect at hotels where we/she stayed. Wanna know why? Because my lovely INTELLIGENT wife never turned on the the wi-fi button!!! yeah...!!! Another good thing came out of this. The tech was able to connect my ancient "all in one" deskjet to my PC that other techs told me was obsolete and useless junk. i'm really happy because in it's heyday with my old "Trigger" it's performance was unbeatable! So. i really am back in the saddle again on the one hand.
But.....physically/emotionally. hmmmm
i can barely walk but took her to work this morning. it looks as though i have no choice but to begin taking the meds again as this disease is crippling me quicker then i expected and the pain has gotten nearly unbearable on a daily basis.she's really clamoring on the issue of me to begin taking the pills again. dammed if i do and dammed if i don't. the intensity of the daily pain has increased considerably and it's going to take a few weeks or month's to get things under control again. but...okay. now i need to call the hospital and reschedule my recently missed infusion. then i will come back and read your blogs. have a great weekend!
But.....physically/emotionally. hmmmm
i can barely walk but took her to work this morning. it looks as though i have no choice but to begin taking the meds again as this disease is crippling me quicker then i expected and the pain has gotten nearly unbearable on a daily basis.she's really clamoring on the issue of me to begin taking the pills again. dammed if i do and dammed if i don't. the intensity of the daily pain has increased considerably and it's going to take a few weeks or month's to get things under control again. but...okay. now i need to call the hospital and reschedule my recently missed infusion. then i will come back and read your blogs. have a great weekend!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
can't figure it out...
 |
| April 18th s x s group ride |
would you believe i can't get online directly yet am able to do so thru a back door!!! perhaps anyway, if this works. we took a group ride yesterday....80 miles. a bit cool but a good turnout with some of us dring two-three hours one way. most of us being "mature." saw a couple riding an atv that must of been at least 80 years old. what amazed all of us were the number of people "playing" (riding) out in the dessert. of course i think all of us were surprised to see one another out in nowhere!
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